Somehow, at some point during the writing process, this quickly went from a happy-go-lucky “it’s spring!” post to an extremely vulnerable post. So I’m going where the words take me, and I’m putting it all out there.

That whole shpiel about my blood pressure, and how I need to make sure I’m getting physical activity every day, even if only 10 minutes?

i suck.

I was really great about walking outside or getting on the elliptical every day. For about a week. I just .. have no idea what my problem is! I feel in such a rut. I know two things: that I want to be outside, and that my body wants to move. I also know that my mind gets in the way. My mind wants to be lazy and catch up on shows and skip the exercise. So I’ll say it again.

i’m in a rut

It’s not that I don’t have the desire to be in better shape. To feel better about my body. To be healthier. To have endorphins that put me in a better mood. I want all of these things.

But I just don’t know how to want them enough. I need to want them more than I already want them. Because the amount of wanting I have going on right now just isn’t enough. I can make excuses all day long for why I don’t get more activity. But the real reason is clear: I don’t want it enough. I have to want it hard enough, long enough to make it a routine.

I know that it’s part winter blues and part lack of a “buddy,” but this is a recurring struggle in my life.

“When the weather is nicer, I’ll ride my bike to work more …”

“When Brad gets weekends off again, we’ll [insert fun outdoors-y activity here] together …”

It shouldn’t have anything to do with the weather, Brad’s schedule or the fact that I have no one in my life that lives close enough, enjoys the same activities and share’s a similar schedule [which is kind of depressing to me in itself].

So, I need to figure out how to be better at wanting what’s good for me.

so in april, i have just one resolution

To get physical activity, even if it’s only a 15-minute walk, every day. But this time, the difference is I’m going to focus on WHY I want the physical activity.

I’ve recently added the “In It To Gym It” blog to my reader for hopes of getting inspiration from others like me, and others who are so completely different from me. For now, I’m just lurking [and feeling inspired], but maybe one day soon, I’ll actually join in.

For a few lucky days last week, it was hovering around 60 degrees outside. So the boyfriend and I dusted off and busted out our bikes.

I got all of these awesome bike accessories for Christmas/Hanukkah, so it was really nice to get to try some of them out. In particular, my SPD pedals. Don’t ask me what that stands for, but they’re pedals that clip into a shoe on one side, and they’re a regular pedal on the other side.

with props to the Reno Bike Project (sticker says "build bikes, not bombs")

So I knew that using the pedals with my new bike shoes would be a challenge, but I was up for it. I knew it would make riding my bike even better. So, for about 10 minutes, a few nights in a row, I tried to learn how to clip and unclip from the pedals.

so, um. it’s really, really hard.

Have you ever tried to do something on the bottom of your shoe without being able to see or even really feel what you’re doing? I got way too frustrated and one night, I actually threw a legitimate temper tantrum. Like, I yelled and screamed and threw my bike. Okay, so I didn’t actually throw my bike, because lets face it, that thing weighs a ton.  I more or less just dropped it aggressively. And then I directed my pouting at the boyfriend for about an hour.

okay, so i am a child.

It’s a good thing he knows how to treat me like a child when I’m acting like one, and not indulge in my pout-sessions. Seriously. It may not have been the best way of dealing with my frustration, but I think it helped me get to the place I needed to be to learn the whole clipping-unclipping thing. Because the next day, I could do it without any problems. I realized that I can clip my shoes into the pedals with ease. As long as I don’t try.

I rode up and down our street alley clipping and unclipping a few times As bad as it felt to fail at something that seems so simple, it felt just as good to succeed! I know for some people, it makes sense that taking the focus and pressure off, would make it easier. But that is not typically the way my brain works through things. I’ve always been someone that has to focus on what I’m doing. Particularly if the goal is to accomplish something. But I guess I’m not too set in my ways to adapt to a new way of learning.

So, this weekend, we rode our bikes to Peg’s Glorified Ham & Eggs (the best breakfast in the country), and it felt great! (cold, but great) The ride back, after eating the best huevos rancheros? A little less great, but worth it.

After what has seemed like busy weekend after busy weekend, sometimes you need to just allow yourself to be a completely lazy bum.  For a whole day.  Two weekends in a row*. :-/

I tend to get in this really bad habit of being a complete hermit on the weekends.  I tend to start feeling sorry for myself and have a hard time getting out of it.  That makes for really unfun Mondays.  Lately, I’ve been a big proponent of not being alone with your thoughts.  Well, let me rephrase that.  People should not be left alone with their negative thoughts.  Those things make us crazy.  I guess some people need to work that shit out on their own.  But that’s not me.  I need to say things.  Out loud.  To people.  Even if it’s only to hear myself say things out loud [but mostly it's because I need to say things to people who will give me honest feedback].  But like I said, that’s just me.

So, that said, I decided that I had to get out of the house today.  I had a big pile of research to read through for my Ad2 Reno client (and a busted few-week-old tumbler that needed exchanging), so I rode on over to my favorite Starbucks to get some work done while enjoying a latte.  I’ve forgotten how nice it is to work in a coffee shop, with all the hustle and bustle going on around you.

So, the reason I really wanted to write this post is this: I met the nicest, cutest couple sitting outside.  They rode their bikes to sit and have coffee together and just talk about anything and nothing.  “See you next weekend!” the man said, when they left with their bikes.  Apparently they ride their bikes to have coffee together every Sunday.  Immediately I began to think how nice it would be if Brad and I the ability to do that kind of thing together on the weekends (he works Saturday and Sunday 8-6:30, while I work Monday-Friday 8-5–sucks, I know.)

But then I realized (again, DUH, because of course I have realized this in the past), what is to stop me from enjoying that same Sunday morning afternoon rides and coffee by myself?** So there we have it.  I do have to say, I’m glad to have my weekends back to myself.

* Please note that is one day each weekend, not four whole days.  I’m lazy, but I’m not THAT lazy.

** oh, and in case you’re wondering, yes, I have pretty much stopped riding to work for the winter.  It’s too cold and too dark.  I know there is of course equipment out there like headlights and special gloves, but this season I’m just not ready to invest in all of that.  Maybe next year.

I’ve go to stop it with the footnotes.

Growing up in Vegas, I never knew fall.  It’s a running joke that Vegas has two seasons: hot and hotter (har-har).  I’ve since exchanged that one for the good old “If you don’t like the weather in Reno, wait five minutes.”

No, neither of these are very clever or funny.  In fact, I’m not sure why I even wrote them here.  I should just delete them, but oh well.

The point is, Reno has a fall.  And it’s gorgeous.  (If you don’t believe me, take a walk through the university once the leaves have changed).  Trees!  They’re amazing!  I have my job to thank for this recent realization.  But I just never ever realized how beautiful trees are.  My favorite part is when the leaves start to turn from green to yellow to orange to falling.  And it seems like, no matter what happened the year before, they always change before you know it.  You don’t remember WHEN that tree out in front of your office window turned yellow, but you swear it was green just the other day:

one of the beautiful yellow trees, surrounded by greenies, in front of my downtown office

As always, I’m not sure where the summer went, or why I didn’t savor the warm weather while it was here (except that when I look back, I did this year, more than ever), but to me, there’s nothing better than fall.

Needing a coat on the morning drive, but leaving it at work because it’s so nice out; changing into a hoodie immediately after work; heated blankets; sleeping in flannel jammies and those colorful socks my dad bought me for Hanukkah a million years ago;

they're deer jammies until november, when it's okay to wear reindeer jammies

and beautiful days for bike rides to the cupcakery

bike ride + a basket full of cupcakes + the river = a good evening

are all reason I love fall.

I am sad though, because as the weather gets cooler and the days rapidly grow shorter, I’m finding less time to ride my bike.  Which sucks.  But we’re going for a ride tonight, and hopefully at least a few more before it really is too cold.

I’m sure we still have a few warm-ish days left before for-real winter comes to Reno.  But after a 25 degree temperature drop in two days, it sure feels like winter already (did you hear? it snowed on Mount Rose last night)

It just so happens that today was the first day I was ablewilling to ride my bike to work since working the Balloon Race (which was three weekends ago, if you’re counting).  I hate when I fall so quickly out of my riding to work habit.  I do have to say that I was proud to ride to work Monday and Tuesday before the big event (and even BRIEFLY considered riding to Rancho San Rafael at the crack of dawn).  The following week brought several days of meetings and errands and me not trying hard enough to make it work for my poor little bike.  AND THEN I got super sick.  And, according to the rules I’ve set for myself, I’m allowed to not ride.  And truth be told, (my coworkers would agree) I certainly should not have been at work.  I put off riding for several more days because the nagging cough and chest congestion has been hanging around far too long.  I’m still coughing and I’m still congested, but I realized today that I might not have many more riding days.  Contrary to Jeff Moser’s recommendation, neither myself nor my bike are fit for winter riding.  Hopefully, one day, I’ll be all badass with my badass cycling gear and my badass road bike with its badass snow tires.  But I am not badass yet and my red cruiser certainly is not either.

So, I am sad to say that once the snow falls (or more likely, once daylight savings ends) I’ll probably be retiring my bike until sometime in March.  However, this is not to say that I’ll be giving up on my [most-of-the-time]healthy living or the exercise.  I have my indoor exercising methods and I’ve recently REstarted Weight Watchers (because as much as I think I am healthy, I have been unable to make a difference without help).  I’ve already lost 64 pounds in a few weeks! (yes, I gained some back, it’s part of the process)

So, hopefully I will be able to keep this blog up during the cold, un-bikable months.  But until then, I’m going to re-commit to riding every day!

P.S. I miss the me that wrote this.

like, a lot.  And my blog.  I’ll be back soon, I promise.

First, I have to say, I opened up a new post and then closed wordpress because I haven’t done anything blog-worthy, am not in a writing mood and/or have a headache.  Lucky for me, I’ve lately had this attitude of doing things that are good for me, in spite of my lack of will.  It’s weird.

You would think I’d have learned this by now, but for some reason I NEED to keep reminding myself that the time when I least feel like doing something is when I need to do it the most (writing and riding alike).  So, here we are.

First, I have to give myself public props for riding on my first day back to work, and not just because I said I would.  It felt good.  And I knew it would be THAT much more difficult if I didn’t just jump right in and do it.  So I did (and then because of heavy loads in need of transportation, I didn’t ride the next two days), and again on Friday.

In talking with Brad, I’ve noticed that lately, I don’t even have to think about it.  I’d be fooling myself to say that it’s become routine or habit for me already.  But I’m at least able to appreciate how easy it’s been to just get up and get on my bike (hah–all three times).  It does kind of make me wonder though, why it’s been so hard for me to capture any of this in my blog?  Often something will happen (or not happen) and I think, what a great blog post this will make, but the post never comes.  Maybe I am just THAT busy, but I don’t want to cop out with excuses.

That said, the other blog-worthy things that happened (or didn’t happen) since my last post:

We (Brad and I–my family wasn’t so excited about mountain biking) totally missed out on a mountain biking adventure we were trying to sign up for in Curacao.  I was BUMMED.  I have never been mountain biking before and was really exciting at the prospect of doing it for the first time on a tropical island.**

We did do an awesome kayak day in Aruba though, which was super rad.  I had also never kayaked before (although seeing people do it in the Truckee River sufficiently freaked me out about it).  Kayaking on a nice mellow beach though, I was prepared to handle.  I even volunteered to go first (YES, that is impressive and I’ll thank you to not disagree with me).

IweBrad kicked ass at kayaking.  When I wasn’t showering him with my paddle.  At least we didn’t tip over like my bro and sis (sorry guys ).

Anyway, it was fun.  And almost started to make up for the amount of delicious cruise food I ate the rest of the week. ***

The other noteworthy thing that happened this week is we FINALLY adjusted the seat on my bike so my knees will stop hurting (thank you Jeff Moser for helping to diagnose) and it’s a bajillion times better.

Now that school has started (not for me, but for my boo, who is in class until 7 on Monday and Wednesday) and daylight saving hasn’t ended quite yet, I might do some solo exploring on my bike.  Even though, it’s Monday, my workday has ended and yet, I’m sitting at my desk writing this … um, I guess that means peace out til next time! ****

**AND SUBSEQUENTLY BLOGGING ABOUT IT!!!

*** oh, btw, if you were wondering, the cruise was AWESOME

**** and if you made it all the way down here, thanks!  Now go do something more fun, please! (apparently it’s a footnote kind of day)

I have pretty much gotten up every day with the mind that I will ride to work.  I have even gotten dressed in cycling-friendly work clothes and shoes.  But for some reason, once I get down stairs, I head for the car keys instead of my bicycle helmet.  Today was the fourth in a row.

I don’t know why it was so easy for me to ride for two weeks straight and now I can’t even manage one day. I think a lot of it has to do with stupid lies I tell myself (but Annie can tell you more about that):

My stomach hurts today.  Riding, fresh air and getting my heart rate up a tiny bit will certainly make my tummy feel better.  I don’t ride.

I’m going in early. What kind of bullshit lie is this?  Because I’m working harder/more at the office, that means I don’t have to work as hard on myself, my health or the environment?  We all know the air/temperature is a basquillion times better at 7 a.m. than it is at 8.  I don’t ride.

I’m too stressed. Another ridiculous tall tale.  Exercise and fresh air have been proven to reduce stress.  I don’t ride.

I’ll start again when I get back from vacay. Can anyone tell me why this means I shouldn’t ride now anyway?  Wow, I’m absurd!  I don’t ride.

But hey, on the plus side, what I have lacked this week in rides, I have more than made up for in lattes from Starbucks (3), far surpassing my weekly limit (1).

Harumph.

So, after I committed to riding every day, no matter what, I was actually really good.  I rode to work every day that week and the following week (although I have to admit, this was only three days because my brother was in town) …

… okay, so it seemed like a lot more consecutive days than it actually was.  But I was definitely on a roll.

Then, on Saturday, we made a surprise visit to see Brad’s parents in Grass Valley, bikes in tow:

don't they look happy?

So, after a nice breakfast (and some subsequent laying around), we went for what was to be a leisurely ride around town.  Now, I’ve been to Grass Valley before.  Brad lived there.  Um, hello, Brad’s parents live there.  But until you try to ride your bike around the area, you really don’t have any idea how many big hills there are.  (There are a lot.  And they are big.)

My bike, cute as it is, is definitely not meant for climbing like that.  (Also, FYI Caltrans, the roads there are crap).  So, what was supposed to be a nice, easy family ride (yes, Brad, I’m calling myself family), turned into a really tough workout for all of us–but especially for the out-of-shape girl with the heavy, 30-year-old cruiser.

After a little bit of nausea and frustration, we all ended up having a good time.  However, as a result, my body just does not want to get back on that bike this week.

And that (in addition to my not blogging in weeks) is why I totally suck.  Part of it has to do with just giving my muscles a break.  But a lot of it has to do with working way too long hours, preparing to leave town for 10 days and general running around all crazy-like.

Monday and Tuesday were a result of feeling poopy and being lazy.  Today is a result of some necessary driving later (yes, driving to get a pedicure IS necessary).

I know I won’t ride Friday because everything will be crammed with trying to catch a flight.  We’ll see what tomorrow brings …

This morning I decided that from now on, unless I *really* can’t, I will ride my bike to work every day.  No more of this I’m too tired or it’s too hot or I feel like wearing a skirt today.  From now on (or at least until it’s no longer bike-riding weather–i.e. til it’s real, real cold) only the following reasons are acceptable for not riding to work:

• I have a legitimate meeting to go to that I can’t ride to, or hitch a ride with someone else going to that same meeting.
• I am injured (insert requisite “poo-poo” for Annie).  Not sore knees or other various muscles, either.  Riding tends to help the pain in those cases and I know it.
• I’m [really] sick.  And if I’m too sick to be riding to work, I probably shouldn’t be going to work anyway.
• Bad weather.  Not it’s too hot or it might rain, but real bad weather.  Acceptable forms of bad weather include: thunder/lightning storms, hail, extreme wind and (if I’m still riding this late in the year) snow.

That said, it was hotter than hades this morning.  It’s hot here in the summer, that’s a given, but typically it’s not THAT HOT at 8 a.m.  Well, today on my ride (I even left early) it was THAT HOT.  But as I said last week, I did it anyway.  Not such a fan of arriving to work as a sweaty pig, though.  May need to start wearing different clothing and packing work clothes to change into.  Whatever I need to do to make sure I ride to work.  Because there’s no reason (except for the above bullets) that I shouldn’t be riding to work every day.