Somehow, at some point during the writing process, this quickly went from a happy-go-lucky “it’s spring!” post to an extremely vulnerable post. So I’m going where the words take me, and I’m putting it all out there.

That whole shpiel about my blood pressure, and how I need to make sure I’m getting physical activity every day, even if only 10 minutes?

i suck.

I was really great about walking outside or getting on the elliptical every day. For about a week. I just .. have no idea what my problem is! I feel in such a rut. I know two things: that I want to be outside, and that my body wants to move. I also know that my mind gets in the way. My mind wants to be lazy and catch up on shows and skip the exercise. So I’ll say it again.

i’m in a rut

It’s not that I don’t have the desire to be in better shape. To feel better about my body. To be healthier. To have endorphins that put me in a better mood. I want all of these things.

But I just don’t know how to want them enough. I need to want them more than I already want them. Because the amount of wanting I have going on right now just isn’t enough. I can make excuses all day long for why I don’t get more activity. But the real reason is clear: I don’t want it enough. I have to want it hard enough, long enough to make it a routine.

I know that it’s part winter blues and part lack of a “buddy,” but this is a recurring struggle in my life.

“When the weather is nicer, I’ll ride my bike to work more …”

“When Brad gets weekends off again, we’ll [insert fun outdoors-y activity here] together …”

It shouldn’t have anything to do with the weather, Brad’s schedule or the fact that I have no one in my life that lives close enough, enjoys the same activities and share’s a similar schedule [which is kind of depressing to me in itself].

So, I need to figure out how to be better at wanting what’s good for me.

so in april, i have just one resolution

To get physical activity, even if it’s only a 15-minute walk, every day. But this time, the difference is I’m going to focus on WHY I want the physical activity.

I’ve recently added the “In It To Gym It” blog to my reader for hopes of getting inspiration from others like me, and others who are so completely different from me. For now, I’m just lurking [and feeling inspired], but maybe one day soon, I’ll actually join in.