It is SO great to feel like me again.  I mean, not to be all wallowy and woe-is-me, but the last week has been quite rough.  The worst part that I never felt like writing.  AT ALL.  Even when I have this awesome series of prompts to keep me going all month.  That stinks.

So basically, Brad had surgery to correct his deviated septum.  And I did not deal with his recovery very well.  Being the kid of a doctor, you’d think I was used to–or at least comfortable with–the whole medicine, hospital, surgery experience.  But the truth is, I’ve never been around a doctor that wasn’t my dad or uncle for more than an hour.  The only nurse I’m familiar with is my mom.  And the only IV I’ve ever had was when I got my wisdom teeth out in 12th grade (read: forever ago).

And I’ve definitely never helped someone through recovery.

Don’t get me wrong, I love brad and would do anything for him.  But usually, we’re a team.  He takes care of me and I take care of him.  But mostly he takes care of me.

It was a VERY harsh realization for me, how much I depend on him.  For favors and the little things, but also, emotionally.  It was GUT WRENCHING to feel all stressed out with work, making sure he took his meds, making sure he didn’t try to drive somewhere, etc. and not be able to talk to him about what was going on with me. I know I COULD HAVE talked to him … I think he thinks I’m pretty stupid for not trying to.  But every time I tried to be open, I just felt this surge of emotion and I could see it hitting a blank wall.  It was too hard.  He was there, but he wasn’t.

I know this post will probably upset him, but I want him … and myself to realize that it was a very important growing experience for me.  And now that I have him back (all the way back) I feel even more open than before his surgery.  I feel freer.  And best of all, I wanted to share it all with you.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy New Year*.

*Which will hopefully bring a brand new site!!!