on my best friends

The reason why I have yet to write about Alexis and MPD is because they are a part of me. We were spun from the same soul matter. It’s hard to extract yourself from yourself, and that’s, in a way, what I have to do in order to even speak on these women. Also I just don’t have the words. Today, I’m going to try to find them. I am overwhelmed with guilt that I’ve never truly sat down and told these two humans what they mean to me. They might not know how many times they’ve kept my heart beating when its rhythm felt unfamiliar and unwelcome in my chest, how much joy in my life I owe to them. Hopefully, after this, they’ll have a better understanding.

I like that “we were spun from the same soul matter” line, so I’m going to say it again. We were spun from the same soul matter. It’s like God made one person at first and then changed his mind and decided to make it three different ones. These humans nestled themselves in the deepest part of my being. When I say I can’t live without them, I mean I genuinely cannot perform the function of existence as a human being without their presence in my life. They are as integral to my living as my physical heart is. This lowkey sounds like a stalker/serial killer letter, but I just really need to establish that our bond is unlike any other relationship I’ve experienced. There’s no distance between us, despite what the map on Find My Friends thinks. We were, I think, destined to take on this life together. Hand-in-hand, we wade through life’s current, bracing against each other as it comes. This is going to be very hard to articulate. Let me try. I guess I should introduce the players.

You know that all-over happy feeling you get when you first step into a warm, cozy room from the cold? Like all your cells are crying their thanks and starting to function normally again? Like order is restored and you’re, even just for a moment, truly safe? That’s how being around Mary Parker feels. She has this brightness about her that you can’t help but gravitate toward and bask in. It doesn’t hurt that she looks like she was manufactured in the Perfect People factory. You know how chefs have sous chefs, little assistants to make the side stuff while the big daddy chef focuses on the most important part of the meal? It’s like most people were made by God’s sous chefs, his not-quite-as-talented assistants, but he personally stepped in to work on MPD. He spent extra time on her too. She’s beautiful. What is so shocking about her is that she somehow gets more beautiful the more you reach into her mind. She has a depth to her that honestly just isn’t fair to the rest of us. People aren’t supposed to be so relentlessly pretty.  From the second you meet her she starts impressing you with how pretty of a soul she is, and she never, ever stops. Mary Parker is, above anything, kind. Her gentle compassion and boundless generosity gives me hope that there will always be good in this world.  She loves with a power that is otherworldly, giving of herself so freely that even those most jealous of her have to ultimately concede that she is genuinely and fundamentally good. She inspires me every second. Her sisterhood in this world gives me great pride.

 

While MPD is light, airy, and breezy, (is she a f*cking beach house? why did I just call a person breezy wtf), Lex is dark and twisted. I mean that in the best of ways. She’s like a gypsy sorceress, but not the faux, Stevie-Nicks-rip-off kind; she’s actual magic. She is my soul twin. Lex and I are inverses of each other, and we combine perfectly into our own peculiar yin & yang swirl. She might actually be another iteration of me that by some cosmic error ended up in the same dimension, but thank God she did. Scratch that, I just wish that were the case. She is actually far better than I am at quite literally everything and in every way. She’s the most alluring girl I know. In terms of intellect, she is beyond gifted, as is quite apparent to anyone who has been lucky enough to have a conversation with her. What most people might not recognize immediately is how deep her capacity for love is. Lex’s love is a fierce one — it dramatically floods into your world and makes everything so obviously better. She loves her people with a strength that indicates the existence of some inhuman essence within her. I’ll say it again because I can’t think of another way to say it: she’s magic. And I am so damn lucky that she has allowed me a front-row seat to her life. Watching it unfold is not only wildly entertaining but also deeply inspiring to me. She grooves through life at her own pace, hand out the window of her Jeep moving slightly to the rhythm of the music. She is unwaveringly herself through all of life’s moments, ready to dance with those that go her way and laugh at those that don’t. She is the most self-assured 22 year old girl to ever live. She might be the only self-assured 22 year old girl to ever live. She is a fucking icon. I’m genuinely excited to continue to be her friend if I have the privilege. With her friendship comes the assurance that it will be okay in the end. With Lex there waiting on you at the finish line, the race is doable.

I would give anything to be able to see the world through these two’s eyes for a day. For MPD, the world, I imagine, is like Mr. Roger’s neighborhood, a good place full of good people. She is so excited and impressed by even the most commonplace things. She looks at everything with love and a readiness to increase that love. From Lex’s perspective, I bet the world just looks really f*%king fun. Those who love you can come on in, and those who don’t can go screw themselves. Let’s dance.

The love and devotion of these two perfect humans has shaken a lot of the bad out of my world and filled the gaps with calm. I am not particularly proud of most things, but I am proud to be friends with Mary Parker and Alexis. They are my heart. They have shielded me from many of life’s blows, and when they haven’t been able to they’ve been right behind me to help me back up. The love I have for them is something I didn’t know I would ever be capable of having. Sometimes there just aren’t words. I hope they know how much I mean it when I say I love them. I hope they wake up every day with the knowledge that we are inextricably bound to each other and that together we can do this. Together we can do anything, but who needs to do things when you have the option to simply hang out with the three of us? Spending time with these two is the most valuable thing I do. I can’t wait to do it forever.

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