Howdy friends. I know that most of my work on this blog so far is so depressing that it makes the “Tell-Tale Heart” look like self-help guide, but I don’t want it to exist merely as a black hole of despair that pulverizes any hint of positivity into nothingness within ten billionths of a second. I love writing here as a therapeutic exercise, but I’ve also felt greatly rewarded by the reception I have not at all deserved but have enjoyed immensely. So many people have reached out to express their support, gratitude, or simple recognition at times when their words unknowingly kept me from diving right back into the depths of mental illness. There are no words in the English dictionary to adequately convey my gratitude or my surprise about the fact that anyone is willing to listen to me, a 23-year-old narcissist with no more credentials than an octopus. I have lived through hellfire, however, and I want to help spread positivity and advice as effectively as possible.
So, I turn the question over to y’all, ThatLoudGirl’s endlessly generous and highly compassionate supporters. I need your help. What should I write more of? I have roughly forty pages of drafts waiting in the wings, on topics varying from how I deal with haters to a list of affirmations to keep you from texting that guy you know you shouldn’t be talking to. I could spend the rest of my life posting about my mental illness and how I’ve coped with it, but, in the greater context of human experience, I’ve also run the gamut from romantic catastrophes to intellectual faux pas, from being bullied to being the bully, etc. I’m a white, liberal sorority girl from Mississippi who has 1) lived in three of what very much felt like alien planets, 2) dated a smorgasbord of humans without any regard for our actual compatibility with a success rate you can probably predict, 3) undergone multiple traumatic hospitalizations and medical treatments for ailments both physical and mental, 4) swum the English channel, 5) gotten really skilled at makeup application for fear that my ungodly, unpainted face will ruin any chances of future success, 6) fostered and adopted a caboodle of dogs and other animals to provide purpose and comfort in this chaos of a life, and 7) failed to receive my college degree even though my undergraduate experience is still going six years strong. I’m also at that really awkward millennial/Gen-Z cusp that has gifted me with both the assurance that I am Special and Going to Change the World as well as the programming that no one and nothing ought to be trusted and that any effort to better the broken system we’re born into is totally futile. The point — I have everything and nothing to offer, but I want to help.
Do I think posting some words on my social media is going to make a tangible impact on the world? No. Do I think that this matters at all on a cosmic scale? Even as pretentious as I am, I cannot answer that with anything but a resounding F*%K NO. But you know what haters?? It helps me, and it keeps me in touch with some pretty cool people who actually take the time to read words, engage with them, and maybe even talk about them. And I don’t care what you think because to me that is pretty effing cool.
In typical Ethel fashion, those are a lot of syllables to communicate one small point — I would really appreciate some guidance here. I’m considering making instagram polls on blog topics a more frequent thing, but what I would really love a whole lot is for someone to direct message me with a question or topic that may be interesting seen through the lens of an unhinged bipolar loon. It could be a single word or phrase. “Froot loops.” Or it could be a question about the problem of evil within monotheistic religious structure. Anything to steer me in a worthwhile direction would be appreciated more than I can say, all jokes aside. I turn to this blog (diary, really) for catharsis, healing, and, ultimately, peace. It is my refuge from the daily toil of life. I want it to be fun to read, though! I want to engage with my audience. I want to offer what I can.
I’ve included a response box below. No identifying information — name, email, etc — is needed for you to respond. You’re totally incognito baby! Just please don’t tell me that I look like a “retarded mouse that got slammed in a door” like that one person on ask.fm did in high school. PLEASE DO ask me stuff! Or tell me stuff! It doesn’t have to be Big and Important, although it certainly can be. I’m happy to tell any story that anyone wants to hear. Thank you, thank you, thank you to those of you who continue to read and support! You are my reminders to keep fighting. Now let’s boogie!