If you know me personally, especially if you know me well enough to have seen me “without my face on,” you’ll know that perhaps my greatest skill in life is making my face look like another face (i.e. makeup). I fell hook line and sinker for the youtube beauty community in 2011 when I stumbled … Continue reading the most important Amazon list I could post in time for Black Friday
do gender norms harm us in break ups?
the patriarchy and break ups podcast I’ll just go ahead and say it: this isn’t my best podcast. I feel scattered and a bit baffled by the facts of my existence at the moment, but I’ve had this on my heart to say. And, well, when I want to say something…I say it. I hope … Continue reading do gender norms harm us in break ups?
i got broken up with lol
I tried to write about this, but the words just wouldn’t come. I was too shocked, confused, angry, hurt. Heartbroken, really. Therefore I just talked. If you want to hear a little of this story (it’s a short pod), here it is. listen to my break up podcast Completely anonymous contact form if you’d like … Continue reading i got broken up with lol
constructing perfect moments
I’m just going to get into it. You’ll get it shortly. summer stormy afternoon, potentially after a pool day read: Happy Hour by Marlowe Granados watch: The Notebook…shut up I don’t care do: a coloring book cozy fall late afternoon into evening, Halloween around the corner read: I haven’t read much horror…may I have an … Continue reading constructing perfect moments
children’s books that I still remember
I’m not great at many things, but I was a voracious reader as a child. My family can vouch, but I’ll just say that what you’re thinking of as a lot…probably doesn’t come close. If it helps at all, my mom thought I was autistic until I was six because I didn’t talk and only … Continue reading children’s books that I still remember
anonymous q&a
Scroll to the “ideas” box at the bottom and go to town.
the really good Amazon ish
This list may be random, but it is mighty. Buckle in fellas. the cutest lil tennis dress your man will love a contour that looks like your natural skin for a few dollars buy these over AirPods. just trust me on this one. so it turns out these pillow slides do change lives. just saying. … Continue reading the really good Amazon ish
so I dropped out of law school…
https://open.spotify.com/episode/49y2pHm77ZgjX2sIYopTSa?si=BrsyrNpVQhaePRYkQtDuvg that loud girl podcast 8/16/23 Apple Podcasts
amazon favorites for beauty (makeup & skincare)
I am an Amazon aficionado. I'm a compulsive shopper, which is very bad for me, but it's good for you because I've become the apex predator of online shopping. I know how to tell real reviews from bought ones, how to find the best prices, and how to sift the gold from the millions of … Continue reading amazon favorites for beauty (makeup & skincare)
top ten amazon must-haves for mental wellness and living with ADHD
Howdy, friends. I'm going to just make this list as concise and easily digestible as possible because we all want the goods with no fluff, right? I don't have time to read my own longwinded posts, so I'm sure you don't, either. Let's try to do this the Buzzfeed way! this timer or this timer … Continue reading top ten amazon must-haves for mental wellness and living with ADHD
a blue christmas
I know that there plenty of real reasons for people to have a hard time over the holidays, emotionally speaking — thinking of those who aren’t here to celebrate, dealing with family that doesn’t feel so much like family, having all the memories of holidays past plastered in your mind as points of comparison to … Continue reading a blue christmas
Etsy holiday favorites 2022
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your eyeballs! I have a very exciting list for you humans with taste 😉 Seriously, though, I am an Etsy aficionado -- just ask my family. I have made each member of my family cry happy tears, whether it be from laughter or from emotional impact, in recent years, and … Continue reading Etsy holiday favorites 2022
sustainable period care
Okay, just don't read this if you're going to be grossed out by explicit mention of female anatomy and menstrual cycles. Uterus-bearing humans have a period every 28 days (usually), so it shouldn't be the end of the world for me to write about how I've learned to tackle that time of the month. Again, … Continue reading sustainable period care
Sephora sale items I want to gatekeep
Okay, Sephora has some deals going on right now that are so mind-boggling that I actually considered keeping them a secret for myself. As we all know, once sale products are gone, they’re gone for good. It almost physically hurts me to see some of these products in the sale section because, well, I’m a … Continue reading Sephora sale items I want to gatekeep
a beginner’s guide to composting (a.k.a. worm farm)
Recently, my worm friends (family) have been doing rather well, and I've been getting some questions about where I got my supplies and how I started. I'm going to link some of the products that have worked for me and to go over some basic info to know how to get rolling. Strap on your … Continue reading a beginner’s guide to composting (a.k.a. worm farm)
the most random favorites with no explanation
mystery harry potter dudes this natural bug zapper this student printer this multipurpose non-toxic cleaner this flipping essential oil this bidet the best masks a most flattering tank (great layering piece too) world’s best concealer for a wopping $6 how cute are these lil dinosaur dryer balls? And you’re saving the planet (dryer sheets are … Continue reading the most random favorites with no explanation
my favorite podcast i’ve done maybe
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2iDlZ4FqhISUuBR1YE1Uqv?si=786x8v5oSA6RFfMDjcriVA If you know me, you know how much my mom means to me. The way she handled my mental illness is why I'm standing here today. Please consider giving this a listen if you or a loved one has been going through it. This would be great for parents looking for guidance!
mental health awareness month challenge
mental health awareness month challenge
Before I get started, however, I want to dedicate this post to someone I've never met before but who has nevertheless changed my life forever. I want to honor the memory of Lee MacMillan, a "van life" social media influencer whose travel vlogs I've watched for years. She actually ended up moving to Santa Barbara, … Continue reading mental health awareness month challenge
Daunte Wright and my thesis on American race relations
I feel uneasy writing or posting things that aren't centered around this basic fact: black Americans are being disproportionately broken by the way things are. I am not going to pretend like I know anything about the real impact the events of recent history have made on my fellow countrymen. I am uncomfortably but undoubtedly … Continue reading Daunte Wright and my thesis on American race relations
come take this poll
As always, I need some guidance moving forward with this blog. I am immensely proud of the work I've published so far and the strides I've made thanks to this most therapeutic of practices, but I want to continue to excite and engage my readership. Feel free to suggest anything!
please seek professional help if you are hurting (or maybe if you’re not)
I've somehow found myself in the very fortunate position of being someone to whom people reach out for advice every once in a while, and I want to take on that role as humbly and responsibly as possible. I've received a great deal of anonymous comments from readers, ranging from the kindest thanks to the … Continue reading please seek professional help if you are hurting (or maybe if you’re not)
some very random skincare tips from an adult acne pro
So I know this may seem awkward to publicly write about or to willingly draw attention to , but it’s another topic that I think could do some people a lot of good if it were destigmatized. Is that a word? I hope so. Anyway, I suddenly and unexpectedly had to learn at 22 that … Continue reading some very random skincare tips from an adult acne pro
feeling lost
I want to be honest -- right now I feel lost. I know that being in recovery isn't a straight line upward, that there are dips and curves along the way. I know that life isn't always easy. I just didn't expect to feel this sense of sadness and confusion again this year, a year … Continue reading feeling lost
…i started a podcast
I did a thing. These first two episodes are short and a bit all over the place, but hey I’m learning! I’ll get better. I would love to have friends guest host with me from time to time and to talk about some really interesting stuff. The link will be below if you’d like to … Continue reading …i started a podcast
easy ways that i self-soothe
As I round out my second victory lap of undergrad, I have become very acclimatized to generalized, constant anxiety. I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in 2018 after battling it for a few years without any type of outside aid, and it had reached the point of being crippling. I was unable to leave … Continue reading easy ways that i self-soothe
nature talk
Historically, I haven't been one to pursue outdoor activities. I'm much more of a be-stationary-in-one-place-for-hours-on-end type gal. I love reading a good book and drinking good coffee. I'm a student, so I'm required to be indoors doing work for the majority of my life. It wasn't until fall of 2020 that I realized how restorative … Continue reading nature talk
black owned businesses I obsess over
I'm just going to say it -- I'm an Etsy fiend. FIEND. I love supporting small artists/business, and I especially love getting custom stuff ordered. Today, however, I'm just going to focus on black owned Etsy shops I absolutely drool over. This one I almost don't even want to divulge it's so good. I kinda … Continue reading black owned businesses I obsess over
finding home, again
I've written about this before. I'm taking a creative nonfiction class, and this was a writing assignment for that. I recycled some bits and pieces from past posts, as you may notice. I figured I'd post anyway. Art by Cristen Craven Barnard Having been born in Mississippi, one might assume that my sense of belonging … Continue reading finding home, again
art I like for certain moods
I was the baby of four children who were way older, so I spent my youth not riding bikes but pretending to read the Catcher in the Rye. This experience has left me with a level of pretension that is hard to match. I was also quiz bowl captain and generally restless, so I've been … Continue reading art I like for certain moods
Protected: one time we talked in santa barbara
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
is it wrong to pursue your friend’s ex?
First off, I want to say that opinions about this of course vary widely and that my take on this probably shouldn't be the one you listen to. I will give you my opinion though, having loved and lost a lot -- both romantically and platonically -- in my short life. To put it simply, … Continue reading is it wrong to pursue your friend’s ex?
my skin story + 2 favorites
Just what’s been working for me lately! Wishful’s Honey Balm moisturizer and Youth to the People’s Superberry Hydrate + Glow Dream Mask. You can get them at Sephora and at their respective websites online. P.S. I’m aware I should learn to angle myself in a more flattering way.
12 things i’ve learned and 12 things i haven’t at 24
Holy moly I'm 24! What?? That's hard for me to fathom. This is the age a younger me would have dreamed to be engaged. I would not have ever thought I'd be in undergrad still, but hey, I actually like myself these days...which is pretty cool. I'm lucky to go to bed proud of myself … Continue reading 12 things i’ve learned and 12 things i haven’t at 24
why I live in Mississippi
Artwork by Karl Wagner As someone who has been lucky enough to live outside the confines of this home state of mine, I know how Mississippi is perceived by a large part of the population. I mean one time in college I told a guy I lived in Mississippi and he said, "Oh, Mississippi, Tennessee?" … Continue reading why I live in Mississippi
my high school experience: looking back at private Christian school, pt. I
This topic is actually one of my most requested by fellow alumni of my high school. I think that we all remember our respective experiences at <insert school name here> quite differently, almost to an abnormal degree. I also think my particular high school was very unique in several ways, mainly in its being the … Continue reading my high school experience: looking back at private Christian school, pt. I
things i have loved this fall 2020
I actually get a considerable number of questions about makeup/skincare/health in general, which is wild because I’m far from an expert about any of those. I do conduct a lot of research before I buy anything, and I do have eight years of experience trying to turn my face into a different looking face. This … Continue reading things i have loved this fall 2020
if you haven’t heard
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2lxPSYWGTXnAn75JQZYeFh My first podcast with Lee Carl from May 25, 2020 If you are driving home from the Egg Bowl and have any interest at all in listening to a project I'm particularly proud of, feel free to listen to this, our first episode of the County Line podcast together. We talk a lot about … Continue reading if you haven’t heard
the dog who rescued me
"This is your dog," my mom said, emphatically shoving a phone in my face that presented a picture of the scraggliest, oddest-looking kangaroo/deer creature I had ever seen. I'm not sure what caused me to pick up the phone -- whether it were desperation after having searched for a dog to adopt for months, plain … Continue reading the dog who rescued me
is it a toxic relationship or are we just in a rough patch?
This is a question I've found myself asking myself a number of times in my life, whether it be concerning a romantic or platonic relationship. Everyone will find his or herself in this position at least once in life, but I think I've been there so many times because I was very fake for a … Continue reading is it a toxic relationship or are we just in a rough patch?
listen here!
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5OSGPgv6XT8N0t1ib025oy?si=PFOw4eIuQlGFyC-DlX0yxQ If you've got a drive to make or simply some time to kill, why don't you spend it with my good friend Lee Carl and me? We disagree on a lot, but it doesn't ever stop us from having a good time and great conversation. Here we cover our mental health maintenance routines (up … Continue reading listen here!
for those of you who have considered unfriending me this past year
I recognize that I am a political crusader type on social media. I realize that many of you (probably white males in particular) roll your eyes when you see that yet another stress-inducing and condescending Ethel post is rolling in. I know the feeling when news is the last thing you want to see on … Continue reading for those of you who have considered unfriending me this past year
a list of reminders that the world isn’t all bad
I'm putting this on the internet because I just realized I've been desperately combing social media for the past hour seeking out reassurance that I myself could provide. I'm in a place today where I feel...stuck. I've been doing schoolwork nonstop for weeks, and I'm about to hunker down for the rest of the semester … Continue reading a list of reminders that the world isn’t all bad
frat boys vs men: the real difference between them and how to steer clear of toxic relationships
When I first read this question posed to me by a reader, I laughed aloud because the truth is...I was the f-boy's biggest fan until fairly recently in my life. The question posed to me was this -- how do we distinguish between boys and men? Between the frat bros who won't even order you … Continue reading frat boys vs men: the real difference between them and how to steer clear of toxic relationships
HELP — anonymously ask me anything!
Howdy friends. If you're just here to ask a question and don't need to hear my long-windedness before doing so, just scroll to the bottom of this post and ask away! It's totally anonymous. Thanks. I know that most of my work on this blog so far is so depressing that it makes the "Tell-Tale … Continue reading HELP — anonymously ask me anything!
how I deal with the haters
Howdy friends! I just found this draft from a few years back, and it spoke to some wounds of mine that have since reopened. I found it helpful, so I thought I might just dump it on the internet. It's been a minute since I've written something that makes it sound like I'm a way … Continue reading how I deal with the haters
on suicide
If you or anyone you know is struggling, help is available. Speak with a (free) counselor today. National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 Writing this feels like I'm standing before an emotional fire squad, waiting to hear the first shot that will bring me to my knees and shove the air from my lungs. Waiting to be … Continue reading on suicide
to the friends I disagree with, I’m sorry
Illustration: Daryl Cagle Disclaimer: This is not a political argument, for once. Dear friends who disagree with me and (probably) are sick of my political crusading, Living in Mississippi, I am acutely aware of the fact that a high number of my friends have a very different perception and evaluation of the world around us. … Continue reading to the friends I disagree with, I’m sorry
a list of affirmations to keep you from texing *him*
Okay, so I just found this draft on my blog from like three years ago. I'm not sure why I never published it at the time, but reading it now kinda gave me a kick out of it. I figured there wouldn't be any harm in sharing, especially if you are finding yourself in this … Continue reading a list of affirmations to keep you from texing *him*
admitting that I don’t know
I'm in the midst of drafting my senior thesis focused on the epistemic phenomenon of white racial bias amid a culture that openly decries racism. I basically want to understand how people who know that racial prejudice is morally wrong still engage in racist behavior. The answer to that question is something after which I've … Continue reading admitting that I don’t know
mad about George Floyd? it starts with places like Mississippi
There has been a problem swimming around in my mind for years now regarding the outrage when black people are unquestionably, illegally murdered at the hands of our policemen and white men in general (*ahem* Ahmaud Arbery). Of course this anger is warranted. I’m not going to for a second even act like I could … Continue reading mad about George Floyd? it starts with places like Mississippi
my summer essentials: the products that are making me feel like a bronzed mermaid goddess of the deep from head to fin
Howdy folks! Back in c. 2009 when “beauty guru” youtubers were just normal teenagers with social anxiety, I stumbled across a Taylor Swift hair makeup tutorial...and oh boy did that change the game for me. You see, without makeup I look like Gollum and Strega Nona from the Italian children’s books had a baby, but … Continue reading my summer essentials: the products that are making me feel like a bronzed mermaid goddess of the deep from head to fin
animals not to kill this spring!
Hi friends, I know I come across as a bleeding-heart liberal snowflake, and that's because that's what I am! Just kidding, being raised in Mississippi has toughened me up to a lot of things that would otherwise traumatize me. I actually wrote a whole PRO-HUNTING paper, for real. My caveat was that, in order for … Continue reading animals not to kill this spring!
don’t let boys be mean to you: a rant on f*%kboys and how I’ve dealt with them
*Disclaimer: I'm going to say a bunch of stuff in this post that sounds like a feminist rant against the tyranny of men. I don't hate men at all or hold them in general to be responsible for the societal trends I mention herein. The boys I'm talking about here are the ones who have … Continue reading don’t let boys be mean to you: a rant on f*%kboys and how I’ve dealt with them
what I learned from my time in the psych ward
This topic is tricky. I hope it sounds intriguing, because being hospitalized for mental illness definitely led to some of the most bizarre and most interesting experiences of my life. It’s hard to talk about though. For one, obviously the events that led me to the hospital — once in California and once in Mississippi … Continue reading what I learned from my time in the psych ward
how I survived high school with a bad reputation
This is a topic I’ve been wanting to speak on since I began to feel the weight of it at the age of fourteen. It’s not easy to talk about, but I know how alone and out-of-place I felt at times in high school. I wish I had known someone from this community who wasn’t … Continue reading how I survived high school with a bad reputation
ways to keep yourself out of the psych ward during all this pandemic craziness
Set a routine and hold yourself to it. This is something I am so terrible at that I have never done it for more than a few months at a time, but when I do I feel such a big difference in my stability. Staying sane is the hardest fight in the world, and it … Continue reading ways to keep yourself out of the psych ward during all this pandemic craziness
being okay with falling behind
I actually wrote this in October to post on Facebook, so, if another human is actually caring or curious enough to open this blog, you may have already read this one. It includes excerpts from some of my more hard-hitting ramblings about mental health that can be found in other entries further down this rabbit … Continue reading being okay with falling behind
why i’m including random poems
I've recently picked up poetry again in my dark times. When I feel so profoundly and deeply emotional that my thoughts lose sensical linearity, the only way I can speak is through bad poetry. I don't think anyone reads this blog of mine, but if someone happens to be reading this right now, know that … Continue reading why i’m including random poems
on the porch
it twangs melodic from granddaddy's wind chimes -- from there it runs like liquid mercury down, down into hearts unchristened and eyes of children. into my mouth it poured waxy but smooth, unfamiliar till it settled. now my heart beats through it like molasses, and like molasses I thought it was sweet at … Continue reading on the porch
black coat
i held you close woven around cotton candy fingers, streamers of me and you. you poured your life colors all over my lap i don't want to feel their last dampness underneath my toweled palm. help me, now Reach Out for the last of me slips through the slits of my millennial hands and … Continue reading black coat
happy
I feel calm, and it's so dope.
ending the stigma. or whatever.
It was World Mental Health Day last week, and I spent it as, I would guess, most did. I scrolled through social media, came across some posts about ending mental health stigma, thought for the appropriate number of seconds about how much I agreed with that mission, and then, as a gesture of how woke … Continue reading ending the stigma. or whatever.
on my best friends
The reason why I have yet to write about Alexis and MPD is because they are a part of me. We were spun from the same soul matter. It's hard to extract yourself from yourself, and that's, in a way, what I have to do in order to even speak on these women. Also I … Continue reading on my best friends
Protected: another 5:50 AM-er (on depression and worthlessness)
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
empty: depression from its tighest grips *trigger warning: talk of suicide, self harm*
It makes me laugh that I originally titled this thatloudgirl. Maybe I was, when I had ideas and jokes and stories to draw people in, to make them interested in getting to know a mediocre-looking hick who got her laughs lazily. I don't feel very loud at all now. In fact, I don't feel anything … Continue reading empty: depression from its tighest grips *trigger warning: talk of suicide, self harm*
Protected: something I wrote immediately pre-psychosis
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
my humans: the ladies fscm
I've been down recently. I feel homesick and hollow and generally out-of-sorts, and the most troubling part is that I don't know why. Typically when I'm in these ruts I like to write, but instead of evaluating and analyzing a problem that most likely stems solely from sunlight deprivation and general February blues, I'm going … Continue reading my humans: the ladies fscm
Protected: him him him him him
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
bored thoughts on social media: a ramble
I feel like social media is messing everything up. I'll explain. I know that I have no idea how life as a young person before social media took over actually was, and that pretty much anything I say is probably an idealization, at best a guess, but I just can't really see how it couldn't … Continue reading bored thoughts on social media: a ramble
break ups
Being a nineteen-year-old girl is not easy. We face rejection and comparison to others every time we step foot out of the door because we are facets in a culture that is entirely obsessed with us. I can handle the physical comparisons and the double standards. What I'm having a hard time mastering, however, is … Continue reading break ups
this quote i’ve been thinking about
I bought this book of a dead college girl's essays and short stories in the airport last summer heading back from orientation, and this quote has stuck with me. I've been thinking about it a lot recently. I looked it up to make sure I got it right. This it it: "But as I watched … Continue reading this quote i’ve been thinking about
the first (and maybe the only)
It's 3:03 a.m. and I have to be awake in four hours. As you can see, my life is in shambles. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this. I couldn't sleep, so I was on Facebook (naturally) and came across a blog of a senior in my sorority that she'd started when … Continue reading the first (and maybe the only)
my faith & what it has to do with this guy
Update: I'm still awake. It's now 5 a.m., so I think I might just stay up...? There's a difference between having a hard time getting to sleep and knowing with complete certainty that it's just not going to happen for you tonight. Anyway, I've been reflecting on that earlier post and just how good it … Continue reading my faith & what it has to do with this guy
that loud girl 